When Helping You Is Hurting Me

Escaping the Messiah Trap 30th Anniversary Edition


184 Pages, 5.75 x 8.25

Paperback, $19.95 (US $19.95) (CA $26.95)

Publication Date: September 2018

ISBN 9780824599362

Not Yet Published. Estimated release date: September 2018
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This anniversary edition includes exercises, reflections, worksheets, quizzes, and activities to help identify current issues and assist in recovery from toxic relationships

When Helping You Is Hurting Me has offered insight and healing for those who are trapped in toxic relationships doing all of the giving while the other person does all the taking. The dynamics and dangers of the Messiah Trap are revealed, as well as the seven messiah styles—pleaser, protector, giver, rescuer, counselor, teacher, and crusader. The author illustrates how taking on such roles as a means of establishing self-worth inevitably leads to personal pain and destruction of relationships and self-worth. In this anniversary edition, readers are given additional resources (digital and print) with links to online interactive exercises, worksheets, and recovery tips.


"A great help to all...who wonder why they are exhausted and burned out...Shows us how to love ourselves and our work (so that our) energy source isn't depleted and our self-worth isn't affected." —Bernie Siegel, M.D., author of Love, Medicine and Miracles, and co-author of The Secret Language of Your Body  "A very valuable book for anyone in the helping professions…The Messiah Trap is ever present and easy to fall into…I would recommend this book to anyone entering the field." —Stephanie Covington, PhD, clinician, organizational consultant, and author of A Woman's Way through the Twelve Steps  

Author Biography

Carmen Renee Berry is the author of 17 books including Girlfriends, on the New York Times best-seller list for 52 weeks, and her latest title, The Unauthorized Guide to Sex and the Church. She is a nationally noted speaker, publishing consultant, and former psychotherapist, who has appeared on hundreds of radio and television programs such as Oprah and CNN.